At first the joke was funny...........
I had to start a sock because the thneed had had to become a shut-in and while we don't like to use the word chubby in this house, if the shoe fits.......
Then other people started making their "funny, ha-ha" comments - "good lord what are you making there? A new cover for the camper!"......
Remember how I mentioned I may run out of yarn because I am one ball short well unless someone is stealing in in the middle of night and running off an extra ball or 7 well then..... I am much more short than that let me tell ya.
Then I slipped into my state of denial that creativity can overcome all, think how great it will look with different colour sleeves! Gorgeous! Except as a more experienced knitter I had a niggly feeling that all may not be right.
Then I pulled the damn thing over my head and it fit like a sleeping bag.
Oh damn. My knitting mojo is off at the moment.
Remember those bright days of the cable down raglan. Headed for the frog pond as we speak -again. It turns out the yarn was so unbelievably wrong and not just because it isn't gray. A total beginners mistake. And yes I swatched like mad, just maybe I was a little blind with the swatches. Because it is like right in front my nose wrong. Like drive everyone at knit night crazy with the is it wrong kind of questions, wanting deep down for someone to confirm what it is I know but don't want to admit.
Jo Sharp Mohair Tank - frog pond. You haven't even seen this one. This one has been sitting in the dryer (oh yeah I keep my WIP's in an antique dryer that we use as a side table in the study, it is funny no one seems to think it strange we have a dryer as a side table but all have been taken back by the knitting and yarn inside it; muggles). Anyway it is sitting in the dryer waiting for me to wake up and smell the coffee. The yarn is great, it was a gift from the Yarns in the Farms Knit Night when I left (they are all so nice, seriously, go there) but the pattern just turned out all wrong. I kinda look like a sausage in it. I don't look good as a sausage.
And now the thneed..............
So last night as I got into bed totally despondent I said to Ted "all my knitting sucks, how can I still make all these silly mistakes, what's the point, I suck, maybe I should take a break.........."
To which he answered "maybe you should".
"No I mean really take a break, like no knitting kind of break, like NONE"
"Yeah maybe you should"
"No really, like put away the knitting, I am not joking, NO knitting"
"Yep I know"
And then sadly "but what would I do with myself? How would I stay busy?"
And I guess that is the crunch isn't it. I love to knit. I love the busyness of the act. I love how at all times I am a useful, creative being. But what if I am no longer useful? What if what I make has become so inconsistent that most of the time I am just wasting time? Should I stop? I wanted Ted to tell me not to be mad and of course I should keep knitting but maybe he said the truth. Maybe I do need a break. What do you think? Do I really want you to tell me the truth or do I just want you to talk me into carrying on? I don't know.
What do you do when/if you get to this place?